I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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