Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
