I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
