Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
