end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
