Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
