what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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