god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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