I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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