so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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