so that wasnt chicken after all
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
