WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
