The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize