I can text with my tongue
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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