You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
