She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
