dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
