I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
