my mouth tastes like poor choices
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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