I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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