Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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