Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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