I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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