No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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