yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
