It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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