My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
