someone threw a dead crab at me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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