I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
