just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
