Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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