I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize
