Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
