Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
