i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize