He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
