he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
