my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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