sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
