There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
