I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
