I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
