Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
