he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
