you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Found your dick twin last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
