sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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