well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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