Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
True strength comes from lack of pants
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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