I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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