ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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