I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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