I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
