So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
