and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
