I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
