She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
