You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
