I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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