So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
