I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
