Kiss
Puke
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
