peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
