My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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