so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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