This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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