how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
