he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
