You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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