I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
