i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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