Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
