So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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