u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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