You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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