xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
