got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
